“Have you ever waited for something which doesn’t seem forthcoming? For eight years, such was my story. That’s how long I waited to get a child after I got married.
My marriage certificate was long-dusted, and I was still childless. Being a teacher, I would have to sit with my colleagues in the staffroom and it pained me when they discussed their children’s milestones.
Our long wait, started in August 2009, when we wed with my husband Kiugi Apollo. Like any newlywed, we expected to be pregnant within our first year of marriage. Every month, I would be anxious about the good news, but I got my menses as usual. In our second year, tension and anxiety began to build.
I remember how my female church and village mates began to ask me, ‘unangojea nini sasa? si uzae mapema umalize’ (what are you waiting for?). That statement would hurt me deeply as I also wanted a baby so desperately. My runaway answer was that I wanted to finish my undergraduate studies first. When we went for medical checkups the doctors would tell us to go home and relax. They thought it was too early to get worried.
The first three years passed and the tension heightened. This made our marital problems in our marriage worsen as we would always quarrel on almost all issues. Seeing all our age mates get married after us and get their first, second, or even third baby made us feel ashamed. Some of our friends would jokingly ask us, ‘Bado mnararua sheets?’ This was a question which we laughed at in public but in private we would ask God why He would allow such humiliation towards us.
I was in form two when I received Jesus Christ as my savior. I was the last born in a family of three, and we lost our parents early in life. Being born again allowed me to grow spiritually and ground my values.
I wanted to become a professor in Mathematics but as I grew up, there was a ministry developing in me: transforming the lives of people. After form four, I left Nyeri County to work as a house help in Kasarani, Nairobi. I became a committed youth member at a PCEA church where I met my now-husband who was our youth chairman. We were both form four leavers with a focus that one day we would go back to school. Today, my husband holds a master’s degree in community development while I pride myself with two undergraduate degrees; finance and theology.
What we did not know then is that our values and vows will be tested.
I remember hearing some men joke with my hubby openly, ‘kama umeshidwa kazi sema usaidiwe bwanaaa’. (If you are unable to perform, tell us to help you)
We would share these frustrations in the evening as we converged at home. How many children we had, was a question we hated to answer. Answering none aroused two bigger questions: ‘ni kukosa ama ni kutaka?’ Childlessness is such a wilderness that requires a lot of grace to go through.
After the third year, we decided to seek medical help. There were mounds of tests. Waiting for clinic dates was a nightmare. The results were always frustrating after having spent a lot of money. We would drive home downcast. The reports we got varied from me having hormonal imbalance to having blocked tubes to my hubby having low sperm count. We took a variety of medications prescribed but to no success.
When all the efforts failed we decided to go the IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) way, a very expensive process. Fortunately, my hubby had just gotten us a medical card but we had to wait for a year for it to be usable at the gynecologist’s clinic.
Time flew and by then we were in our eighth year in marriage. It was the year 2017. Slightly before the card matured, I fell ill. I went to one of the hospitals where they gave me a cocktail of medicines. Whenever I took them, I vomited and nose bled. I grew sicker and weaker. I decided to go to a nearby hospital where I told the nurse to do a pregnancy test. It was positive. I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it.
To array our doubts, we did a second test which included a blood test. Indeed, I was pregnant. We gazed at each other at the doctor’s office. It is as though we were in dreamland. We felt excited and numb as well. It took days for this to sink. Baby shopping and eating well was the best feeling we had as a couple. Finally, we received our baby girl who just turned three. She is our answered prayer.
The baby came before the IVF process had begun. The fact that both of us are born again made us have peace in knowing that God had a good plan for us. We became well equipped in the ministry which we are doing today. I work at Kenyatta National Hospital as a chaplain and my husband works in Kampala Uganda as a missionary.
As a chaplain, I encourage people to focus on what God is teaching them during the season of waiting for healing and to be positive. I learned that children are gifts from God and He gives according to His plan. I also walk with couples who are waiting for babies. While each experience is different, having been through this wilderness has been invaluable.”
