Let’s face it, the number of times you’ve cried in front of a mirror or wanted to scream (maybe you did) because of the home setting pressure are countless.
I once visited a friend and empathized with how she felt. Having two toddlers, no child care, and her husband out of town, she was so overwhelmed. She complained about feeling not being good enough.
Quitting her job to take care of the twin toddlers was already making her feel like a failure. However, she’d also been unable to commit to an online part-time job as she felt it was taking too much of her time.
A few therapy sessions later and she’s never got back to that black hole. Here are some of the advice she shared from her darkest seasons of mummy guilt
It’s okay to sleep early
As a mum, you’ll feel bad because you’re sleeping ahead of everyone instead of being the last to get to bed.
Surprisingly, many mothers experience burn out because they tend to be up earlier before everybody else to prepare breakfast, are up running errands and babysitting the whole day and still have to be the last to sleep.
Not to mention that with small babies, you’ll have to be awake nearly three times during the night.
Once in a while, give your partner the baby or leave them on children duty and catch some good sleep.
Nobody will die, and you should know that when you are refreshed from a good night sleep, everyone is happy the following morning.
Avoid the pressure to clean like your neighbors
When you begin comparing yourself to other people, you begin to lose it. Suddenly, you’ll realize how dirty your carpet is or how you should not keep this here or there.
A great reason behind mums feeling bad about themselves is starting a new behavior after visiting friends.
An external pressure can push you to thinking that your home is less of a home. Unless you are childproofing your house and embracing minimalist lifestyle, you need not feel confined into feeling sad about your house.
Children are born to bring chaos and we are only meant to guide them. A house with children is, therefore, understood when it has colourings on the wall, stains on the carpet and toys all over.
Not to mention the pile of laundry awaiting ironing or dirty dishes needing some cleaning.
Take it easy and do one small task at a time.
You can reclaim your ‘ lost’ career
A great cause of mummy guilt is having to quit one’s job to stay with the children at home.
Focusing on the stay-at-home parents, this is always a labour of love. You may feel bad since you don’t get a paycheck for the childcare and house maintenance.
However, feel confident knowing that investing your time and love for your little one is an important thing to do. It pays off.
Furthermore, children keep growing and are only young once. As they become independent, you should know that they will make you freer.
After this season, you can arrange for child care and concentrate on that work well. All is not lost.
Your child loves you
If you’re stuck wondering whether you’re doing a good job as a mum, there’s only one way to find out – did your child smile today?
It’s not okay for a mum to feel like she’s worthless. Much as these feelings may overwhelm someone especially since you may fail to get appreciated often, remind yourself that your child loves you.
Children are born to naturally love and adore their parents. You are your child’s superhero, so dress up and show up ready to smile some more.
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